WANNA DATE A CHINESE? SOME INTERESTING THINGS TO KNOW: THANK ME LATER!
Dating someone is a form of courtship usually between a man and woman, boy or girl (not anymore as society would have it). This is a romantic relationship of getting to explore in a wider term the compatibility of each other. The term dating varies across different cultural and societal barriers.
Dating someone out of your culture would unquestionably bring about cultural shock. As expected, dating someone from China would be different from that of Nigeria, America and so on because all countries or continents come with their differences regarding social cues. Far back, the Chinese were not open to having cross-cultural dating and marriage but this is being opposed to vehemently as the Chinese society has become more modern and international.
Let’s take a look at the cues of China!
1) THEY DATE FOR MARRIAGE
It is more about finding a life-long partner than having a two weeks fling with someone (subtle shade).
It is very likely to get questions such as how much is your salary? Do you have a house? Do you own a car? These are necessary questions on first dates and are always asked by women because they want someone with a stable career that would be able to cater for her and her kids in the long-term.
It might not be about love sometimes; it’s about finding an ideal partner. The Chinese take their time and make sure they see a future with the supposed significant other. They love with their whole being and not partially. Marriage is regarded as a significant milestone of adulthood in china and family is an important concept.
Lest I forget, women in cities like Beijing and Shanghai might not have marriage in mind due to westernization. You can expect a woman outside the city to be definitely serious about relationships.
2) FAMILY COMES FIRST
Filial piety is often taught in schools from first-grade. This is one of many reasons why Chinese adults take every word of their parents to heart. China has a collectivistic culture, making the family more important than individual needs. Parents would always advise the children on how to raise their own kids. This has been depicted in movies such as “Crazy Rich Asians”.
In the movie, Eleanor, the mother of Nick young was disapproved of by Nick Young’s grandmother and both disapproved of Nick’s marriage to Rachael Chu. Believing that Nick would not want to take over the family business because of her. In the end, love surpassed all.
If you date a Chinese, you must make a good first impression on the parents, especially the mother! They can make or mar your relationship.
3) THEY WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR YOU
My Nigerian counterparts left this group chat. As a show of love, the men almost always help their ladies carry their purses, shopping bags et all as a sign and show of love, this is done willingly. You don’t have to worry boo, I got you.
4) GIFTING
I really do not think dating is complete without gifts. It might not be often and may just be on special days like valentine’s day but it is important.
This is important in showing affection in the Chinese culture which is done by objects. This is because Chinese people love material objects that have value such as a wristwatch from Michael Kors or an Air max from Nike. The man would always, want to show his love by buying expensive gifts for her, even when they are not yet an item. This is symbolic as it shows the size of his pocket and the kind of life he has to offer her and her children in the long-term.
5) NO PUBLIC DISPLAY OF AFFECTION
In China, love is shown through actions and not kissing or holding hands. Actions such as cooking, carrying purses, gifts and washing the car. They all amount to a show of love to their partners. Do not get me wrong, kissing and holding hands are done but not just to the view of the public. Also, a pat on the head, a touch on the arm can be given here and there rather than kisses. Although, in modern China, people hold hands in public.
6) They are open about flaws.
This is a good thing! The Chinese people are very straight forward. If a Chinese tells you that you have such beautiful skin, best believe it because they mean it. On the flip side, if your dressing is terrible or you added weight, as they are thinking it, they are spewing it. This is mostly seen in the girls as they want you to be a better version of yourself.
7) SEX
In general, sex before marriage is frowned at in china and is not as common as it is in western cultures. Chinese women see sex as a sign that the relationship would definitely lead to marriage (lol). Men, on the other hand, prefer their women not to have sex before marriage. In cities such as Beijing and Shanghai, the situation is quite different.
Disclaimer!!!! This does not prepare you 100% for dating a Chinese, everyone is unique and special but I am very certain you might notice or would have noticed a thing or two from here.
A little something to throw you off your feet, there is something called a marriage market, yes! It is a thing. A market is majorly for buying and selling, so, just imagine what a marriage market is. Fascinating!
THE MARRIAGE MARKET (相亲角, xiāng qīn jiǎo)
This is not a thing as it was in traditional China but it is still a thing. The marriage market can be seen in westernized cities like Shanghai, Beijing Chengdu and Guangzhou in China.
As there is extreme pressure from family to get married within the given time frame, parents often go with pictures and details of their children to the marriage market and find suitable persons for them.
Looking through the eyes of LTL mandarin school, in the marriage market, the ads contain specific information such as gender, birth year, height, educational level, occupation, salary, phone number. Also, among the list is the Chinese zodiac, certain animals are not compatible and no parent wants that for their child. A video representation of the marriage market in Beijing.
It is not irregular for parents to set up blind dates for their children in China. Women are under pressure to get married before the age of 27. The stigma of being a leftover woman (剩女, shèng Nǚ) in the late twenties makes parents always go to the marriage market for their daughters. This is not to say men do not appear in the marriage market too. Men also are leftovers if they take too long to get married.
Of course, Modern China is pushing back against the leftover woman stigma.
I really learnt a lot and laughed so hard while writing this piece. I hope you learnt a thing or two. In writing this, some serious digging and research had to be done from people that have dated Chinese people, lived in China, people with their two cents and of course blogs! Blogs such as yoyochinese, LIFE IN CHINA by ZoeStephens, LaiLinThomala,chinamike and CharlesCuster. I hope you find it fascinating as I do.
Also, a big shout-out to my Chinese acquaintances and Mengdi Li who answered my disturbing questions, Frances loves you so much!
Have you dated a Chinese? What was your experience like? Do you plan on dating one? Share your experiences in the comments!
那么就这样，
下次见
Frances.
